


Unrequited

by justsomebucky



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Original Character(s), Unrequited Love, Wedding Fluff, Wedding Planning, Weddings, my friend aimee makes an appearance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 14:06:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14620236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justsomebucky/pseuds/justsomebucky
Summary: AU. What do you do when the one you love loves someone else? Reader comes to terms with Bucky Barnes' (lack of) feelings for her.





	Unrequited

**Author's Note:**

> written for a challenge. prompt in bold.

It was that dreaded time of year again… _wedding season_.

It was a period of at least three or four months when everyone you know seemed exponentially happier than you, whether they were the ones getting married or not.

Honestly, you weren’t sure which was more to blame for your completely ridiculous expectations in romance: Disney or those stupid cheesy rom-coms that you couldn’t stop yourself from watching on Netflix or the Hallmark Channel.

It didn’t really matter how you felt about wedding season though. Your best friend Wanda was getting married to her longtime boyfriend, Vis, and you had already agreed to be her maid of honor. You’d be there on her big day to support her and help her and be happy for her no matter what.

What you didn’t realize at the time, though, was that the little ‘no matter what’ promise came with a heavy price.

For the better part of three years, you’d been so utterly, tragically in love with someone. He was kind and smart, handsome and funny…he was the real deal. His name was James Barnes, though everyone called him Bucky. The two of you met through friends and instantly hit it off, with smiles and laughter and a warm hug goodbye before you parted ways.

To be fair, you hadn’t thought much about the encounter later that night.

It wasn’t until two or three days later that it really hit you. You caught yourself grinning at the memory of him, remembering what it was like to have his arms around you even briefly, and that’s when you knew you were already smitten. He began to occupy your thoughts and sometimes even made his way into your dreams, and you wanted to get to know him better.

The trouble was, he was already seeing someone.

He’d been with her for years already, and it seemed unlikely that they would be breaking up anytime soon.

He was happy with someone else, and the truth of the situation started to slowly tear away at you piece by piece until you stopped hanging out with him altogether for your own sake.

It wasn’t that you didn’t want him to be happy, it’s just…why couldn’t it be with _you_?

He was going to be at Wanda’s wedding with his girlfriend, and you couldn’t avoid them forever.

—

“It was just the timing,” Wanda declared over mimosas the morning of the rehearsal. You had taken her out for bestie brunch before everything became really hectic. “Timing is everything, right?”

You polished off your second glass before setting it down, motioning to the waiter for another. “Timing? As in, ‘ _why couldn’t I have met him a few years earlier before she got to him_ ’ kind of timing?”

“Yeah.” She shrugged as she picked up her fork to tear into her omelet. “She got to him first. She was in the right place at the right time, and she went for it. There’s nothing you can do about it.”

“Don’t remind me,” you grumbled, glancing around. The waiter brought you another mimosa and you thanked him as Wanda pulled something out of her bag.

“What’s that?” you asked, nodding at the document before taking another generous sip. “Wedding stuff?”

“The seating chart.” She unfurled the paper and set it down on the table, using the salt and pepper shakers as paperweights. “I want you to know, Y/N, that I tried my best to push Bucky and his girlfriend into a corner behind Vis’ neighbors, but in the end it just didn’t make sense. All of our mutual friends are on the left side here.”

You watched as she pointed to a front row table. Thankfully, you were going to be at the right side of the head table. You’d be able to see him but only if you made the effort to look. “At least it’s the opposite side from me, right?”

“Right.” Wanda gave you a worried glance. “Our other friends will be there too, okay? And you’ll have Aimee. You won’t have to even talk to them if you don’t want to.”

“Maybe he’ll see me in my dress and decide that she’s all wrong for him.” You laughed a little to show you were kidding, but she didn’t look convinced.

You weren’t entirely convinced, either.

Unrequited love was the dumbest, biggest waste of time, but for some reason you couldn’t explain, you still held out hope that maybe you could make him see just how right for each other you were.

When Bucky walked into a room, the entire atmosphere shifted. It was like your entire body became aware of his presence and reacted accordingly. That meant, of course, sweaty palms, an anxious feeling, wretched butterflies dancing in your belly…and above all, a feeling of dread as you anticipated the moment when he left the small portion of the world he was sharing with you to go be alone with _her._

You tortured yourself, too.

You snuck peeks at her Instagram account, where most of the pics were of Bucky. At first, you checked it because you wanted to see more of him – a glimpse, just a little hint into what life was like with him, a life you would never know.

There was something in the way he smiled, the way the light in his eyes made them sparkle a deeper blue. His laugh, oh god…the videos she posted of him laughing…the sound cut through your chest and squeezed your heart every time. You would remember the times you had made him laugh or smile, and you reveled in the feeling.

Seeing him happy made you happy, at first.

But then more and more of her posts were the two of them together, and you found yourself wallowing in self-pity and jealousy. You analyzed her features, trying to figure out why he chose her. What made her so special? Why was she the lucky one who got to share a life with him?

You had met her before, obviously, and hung out with her several times. She couldn’t possibly let Bucky have a night out without her, could she? She couldn’t possibly go have her own life for a hot minute while you had a chance to catch up with him. No, she was always there, always at his side.

Her face was plain, her eyes dull (in your opinion), and she was really, really boring. She didn’t have a particularly interesting personality and her laugh was offensive to your ears. She was one of those people who tried to sound intelligent and artsy but she just ended up sounding like a pretentious hipster instead.

It’s not like she was doing anything wrong. She was just living her beautiful, blessed life and sharing her happiness with others on her Instagram page. She was just spending as much time as she could with the man who stole her heart.

You wanted to hate her. You tried to, you really did, but you didn’t have it in you.  

After a while, you had to stop. You blocked her and deleted him as your friend on every social media platform. It was too much, and you couldn’t handle torturing yourself any further.

“Earth to Y/N,” Wanda called out, waving a hand in front of your face.

“I’m sorry, I zoned out.”

“Yeah, I could tell. Do you wanna get out of here?”

“ _God_ , yes.”

—

The wedding rehearsal went really well. You didn’t fall over everything, and you even managed to make a few well-timed jokes to save Vis when he nervously began to stumble over his words.

His best man (your groomsman) was none other than Steve Rogers, a guy you knew pretty well from school and now from being in the same circle of friends. Steve was a nice guy, hopelessly romantic and in awe of everything going on around him. You could tell he’d been a victim of the Disney machine, too, the way his eyes glinted in the light and a soft smile appeared on his face every time something remotely mushy happened.

From what you had heard from Wanda, he’d been in a long term relationship that had ended about a year ago when the woman moved back home to England. He’d been single since then, the poor guy.

Since the two of you were going to be paired together at the wedding the next day, you decided to sit beside him at the rehearsal dinner party that Wanda and Vis had put together. You had a nice conversation going over salad before the topic naturally turned to your own love life.

“So are you seeing anyone?” he asked, stabbing a cherry tomato with his fork. “I never really hear the gossip anymore now that Wanda’s been busy planning the wedding.”

You eyed your glass of wine, wondering if it was too much to just chug it. “No, I’m single. Have been for a while.”

“Got your eye on anyone?” Steve looked up at you, and you noticed for the first time ever that his eyes had more than just blue in them.

“That’s complicated.” You gave in and grabbed your wine glass, taking a generous sip. If you were going to be forced to talk about this with one of Bucky’s friends, you were going to have to loosen up a little first. Not that you had to mention the man himself, but still…

“Complicated? Uh oh,” he laughed, raising his brows in interest.

You felt your face heat up a little under his scrutiny. “If it’s all right with you, I probably shouldn’t even talk about it.”

“What makes you say it’s complicated, though?” he pressed on. “Is it just not working, or…?”

“There is no ‘it,’” you informed him, taking another gulp of wine. “I’m in love with a man who doesn’t want me.”

His brows scrunched in confusion, but you weren’t really sure what was so difficult to understand about that statement.

Luckily, you didn’t have to explain yourself. Wanda and Vis stood up and they each thanked everyone for being in their wedding party. They even handed out gifts; you got a beautiful little necklace and Steve was given a fancy watch.

It took another hour or so before Steve found the chance to continue the conversation, and by then you were pretty inebriated. Vis had kept pouring the delicious wine and you kept partaking.

That meant one thing, though…you were being extra open and honest with everyone. That included the moment when Steve asked you flat out about the identity of the man who supposedly didn’t want you, the one you were desperately in love with.

You were out on the back porch of Wanda and Vis’ shared home as soon as you could get away from the crowd. Outside, the moon cast a soft glow on everything and you couldn’t help but wonder what Bucky was doing right then. Was he excited for tomorrow?

Did he look forward to dancing with her?

Was he thinking about proposing to her?

Steve approached you quietly, taking the seat next to yours as he stretched his long legs out in front of him. There was a beer in his hand, at least his third of the night by your count, but he still seemed pretty sober.

“You know, I’m really good at listening,” he told you gently, leaving the offer out there. “It’s a judgment-free zone.”

Your chest tightened a little.

You wanted to tell him, really. You wanted to explain that when Bucky looked at you, you felt like you were floating on clouds. It was the cheesiest, most ridiculous reaction and you knew it, but you couldn’t help it.

Instead, you laid out how you were feeling after a fourth glass of wine.

“It’s so _dumb_.” Your voice was soft and fragile, the same way you were feeling just then.  “Having feelings like that, I mean. It’s such a waste of time.”

“I don’t know about that,” Steve countered, taking a small sip of beer. “Love hardly seems like a waste of time to me.”

“Oh, what do you know? Mr. Perfect,” you muttered, glancing away. “You’ve never loved someone who didn’t love you back.”

“I have, actually.”

Your head whirled around at his admission, your eyes wide. “What? Who?”

He shook his head. “Doesn’t matter.”

You scoffed, keeping your gaze on his face. Maybe he could understand. You decided you could probably trust him. “If I told you, do you promise not to say anything?”

He lifted his eyes to yours. “It’s Bucky, isn’t it?”

Aaaand there went your calm feelings.

“How did you know? Am I that obvious?”

“Just…I don’t know.” Steve shifted in his seat, eyes dropping to his beer bottle. “It’s the way you look at him. The way you light up when you see him and the way a little storm cloud follows you around when he interacts with his girlfriend.”

You groaned, throwing your head back. “I’m obvious. He knows. I can’t even look at him now.”

“He has no clue, Y/N.”

“You couldn’t possibly know that for sure.”

“He isn’t aware, Y/N, because he doesn’t care to notice,” Steve informed you. “He doesn’t notice because unless you’re her, noticing isn’t high on his priority list.”

_Ouch_.

“I know that,” you whispered, feeling the telltale sign of tears stinging your eyes.

“Do you?” He leaned over to try to meet your eyes, but you ducked your head away. “Bucky is in love with her, Y/N. He’s on the verge of proposing. And while we’re on the subject, love isn’t anxiety and pain all the time. Love should be calm and reassuring. It should be steady even when you aren’t. You’re hurting yourself for nothing when you could be happy instead.”

“How can I be happy without _him_?” You furiously wiped at your cheek as a stray tear fell. “I’ve loved him for so long, I don’t know if I can.”

“You’re without him right now, Y/N, happy or not,” Steve said softly as he stood up and headed to the door to go back inside. He opened the screen door halfway before pausing. “I’m sorry if that seemed harsh. I just…I hate to see you so miserable.”

“No offense, Steve, but you don’t even know me,” you threw back, looking up at him as his brows furrowed.

“I _do_ ,” he replied. “I _do_ know you, and that’s why I wanted to take some time and let you know that you deserve to be happy. So just…try to be happy, okay?”

He went inside without another word and you were left staring out at the empty backyard bathed in moonlight, wondering why everyone else could see what you couldn’t.

—

When Wanda’s wedding day finally arrived, you were a freaking mess.

It took every ounce of strength you had to pull it together in time to be a supportive best friend and maid of honor, but the cracks in your façade were so big you knew it was only a matter of time before you shattered into a million pieces.

God, when did everything get so dramatic and miserable? When did the idea of Bucky turn into something that brought you down?

Like always, since you knew he was there in the room, you reacted. Your heart raced and your hands shook. Luckily you were able to pass it off as nerves from being in front of a crowd when the other bridesmaid, your friend Aimee, asked if you were okay. She knew about your feelings for Bucky, too, but perhaps not the extent of your misery. You wondered if she could see that as clearly as Steve had.

Whatever. It had to stop. This was Wanda’s day. 

When the music started, you managed to walk up the aisle behind Aimee and ahead of Wanda without turning your head to look at the crowd. When you got to the altar, you kept your eyes glued to Wanda’s glowing face as she walked slowly but confidently toward the love of her life.

Steve was right, that’s how love should be. You should feel calm, not upset. You should be confident that the one you love, the one you’ve chosen, actually chose you too.

For the first time all morning, you let your gaze wander to the guests. You knew Bucky would be sitting on Vis’ side, and you found him pretty quickly.

He had on a fancy suit, and to say he looked good in it would be an understatement. His hair was combed neatly and he left just a small hint of stubble on his face. He always was so damn handsome.

Then you noticed a few other things…

He was smiling at _her_. Their hands were clasped together tightly, like they were made to fit together. Their faces were close as she whispered something to him that made him smile. Light danced in his eyes as he stared at her plain features and listened to her insufferable voice. He was radiating love for only her.

You looked away before you saw anymore.

The wedding vows were gorgeous.

You listened intently as your friends promised to always be there for each other, to respect each other…Vis promised to bring Wanda her favorite soup when she was sick, and Wanda promised to let Vis pick every other movie.

As they exchanged rings, you realized that you wanted _that_ , not the nervous, anxious, empty feeling that Bucky gave you. It was like your eyes were opening to what love should be for the first time in years.

Unrequited love wasn’t a waste of time, it was a lesson. It was a teacher, explaining to you all the ways you want to be loved but aren’t, at least in that moment. It was a guide, leading you to the conclusion that if they are that happy without you, surely you can be happy without them, too.

You felt like a thousand pounds lifted off your shoulders as you watched Vis tip Wanda back and give her a romantic kiss to seal their new bond, and you smiled so hard your cheeks hurt.

—

At the head table, you and Aimee were drinking champagne, eating cake, and generally have a great time. You forgot how funny she was, and after thinking of all the nights out you’d skipped to avoid Bucky and his girlfriend, you realized just how much you missed your friends.  

You only looked at Bucky’s table once the whole time you’d been at the reception, and for that you were grateful.

“I’m proud of you,” Aimee said, setting her fork down on her plate.

“What for?”

“Wanda told me to keep an eye on you during the ceremony, just in case you spotted him in the crowd and it made you upset,” she explained, offering a small smile. “But you made it through, so, I’m proud of you.”

“I did look at him,” you confessed. “He looked so happy…if you love someone, you want them to be happy even if it’s not with you, right?”

“This is true.”

You turned your head just enough to see Bucky making his way to the makeshift bar, and a champagne-induced idea popped into your head. “I think I’m going to go talk to him.”

Aimee looked at you as if you’d just sprouted antlers. “Is that really the best idea?”

“I think so. If I tell him I’m happy for him, I think it will help me move on.” You were too damn determined to be stopped now. “Be right back.”

She sighed, covering her eyes with her hand as you walked away.

When you got to the bar, you stood beside him and ordered a drink.

“Y/N,” Bucky said cheerfully. “How are you?”

“Oh, Bucky! I didn’t even see you there. I’m great, how are you?” Polite conversation made your skin crawl, so you continued without waiting for an answer. “I’m glad you and your girlfriend were able to make it. This whole wedding has been so perfect, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, we’ve had a really nice time.” He took his drink from the bartender and turned to you.

_There it was_.

You were standing there in your dress looking and feeling pretty good, and you finally had his full attention. It was the moment you had selfishly thought about since you were asked to be maid of honor.

But right now, as he looked at you, you didn’t see that light in his gorgeous blue eyes.

It was a polite smile on his face, not a warm one.

Bucky would never be yours. It just wasn’t meant to be.

You knew what you had to do: you offered a smile, and even though the words hurt you said them anyway. **“She’s beautiful. I hope she makes you happy.”**

Bucky’s smile widened. “Thank you, she does.”

“I’m glad,” you told him, and you meant it. With one last smile, you grabbed your drink and turned away to go back to Aimee and the rest of the slice of cake you’d temporarily abandoned.  

You glanced up at the head table as you turned and walked away from the man you’d loved for so long.

To your surprise, Steve Rogers was standing beside your empty seat talking to Aimee.

She pointed you out in the crowd as you made your way back to the table.

And when he finally spotted you, a little hint of light danced in his eyes. His features brightened with a smile. He looked at you as if you were the best thing he’d seen all day, like you’d put the sun in the sky just for him.

Your heart fluttered, just once.

_…Oh_.


End file.
